So the lady that just had octuplets…

Her father was on Oprah this afternoon.  Poor dude.  I really feel sorry for him.

But her, and her doctor… asshole’s.

I can seriously appreciate someone wanting to have a ton of kids.  More than 14 if you want.  But dammit, you better be able to take of them.  You cannot tell me that a single mother can care for 16 children while working full time.  I work full time and barely have the time the kids would like to have with me.  I also make damn good money.   Not bragging about that, I am very happy and grateful that I make so much these days, just saying that with just 6 kids and a house to fit them all, I can still barely afford it and I am NOT living large.

Hell, I am driving a 1986 Jaguar xj6 that cost me less than a $1000 bucks because I couldn’t afford to fix my other car.  It’s UGLY!!!

Anyway…let’s contrast 14 kids lady with the couple out in the South (I think).  I remember reading a story a few months back about them.  They have 18 kids!

However… and it’s a big however…  They are taking care of themselves.  They all work their butts off and make it happen.  They live frugally, and do it together.  That I can respect.

I’m sure this lady is a wonderful person who love’s kids and will do all she can, but it’s not cool to ask the rest of us to support her, but now that they’re here…we gotta.

That really bites…

What a great joint to close down.  This Sunday was the very last day.  We unfortunately didn’t make it because the finances were too tight.

At least the pizzeria will still be open..  Don’t forget to try the Empanadas!  Little pockets of yumminess… especially the Jam and Chaeese and Chicken Margarita.

Ciao!

BTW…  Not that anyone cares, but when my little bro from Argentina was out visiting, Manu Ginobli was eating there.  He about freaked cuz he’s a huge fan ;)  I, personally, didn’t know who he was, but basketball and me don’t mix.

OK, So after my great birthday dinner out with Ms Hottie and my parents, I had a little talk with my girlfriend about the conversation she had with my MOTHER that night.  I decided that I would write a post about what not to talk about with your spouses or boyfriends mother.

Why? Well, I will tell you why…  My mom got a little typsy and for some reason our housing situation came up. I was talking to Dad and not really paying attention till I heard my mom say something along the lines of “Oh it was so hard living that house, especially “making love”" (emphasis on the quotes because you could hear them in her tone), I was worried the boys could hear!”

Girlfriend: “I totally know what you are talking about!!!!!!!!  The older boys are right below us and I always worry that….”

I kicked her shin right about then, a few more sentences got out but I was too mortified to hear and the ride home I was like “WTF?! Please, please, please don’t talk about our sex life with my mom….never, at least when I’m there!”

THAT was embarrasing as hell, so here is a list for you ladies…

DO NOT TALK ABOUT:

• Sex life
• How loud you are
• How loud he is
• What he does when he comes
• What you do when you come
• G-spots
• Oral
• Penis size
• etc…  sex is off limits with our Mom!
• Your former life as a prostitute is off limits as well (if there is a history)
• Sex tips for my mother (He really likes it when I do…I swear, she said this).
• Your former drug habits if any.
• Your ex boyfriends/spouses as well as their families (”I hated so and so because of…  maybe my mom likes that too?)
• What you hate… unless she asks…see above
• Why you hate my ex-girlfriend/spouse… at least when I am around
• Anything to do with sex.  Let me say this again… ANYTHING to do with sex…

Dear beloved Mommy does not need to know we have PE or like it “in the backside” or whatever the kink is….creepy as shit.

So, I suppose this will be a weird post. My oldest boys have been asking me for several things over the last few months. The first is to go snow camping, the second, hunting, and third, to take them on a Wilderness survival trip in the winter.

Camping in the snow… OK, well we could do this. I LOVE camping. I love getting away from the city and being in Nature. The sounds and the smells and the views relax me more than almost anything. There is really something special about living in Colorado and what is available to us here. However, winter camping is something different. Very cool for me, BY MYSELF! With too teenage boys, whining about how cold it is, can’t start a fire, etc…

Doesn’t sound like it would be very relaxing….

I pretty much figure I am going to deal with bitching from the get go and it won’t get better as the day goes on. Let alone 3 days. I would love it if we could go have some bonding time together doing something “primal male”, but, these boys whine about the heat in the house not being above 64.

Then there is the hunting… they REALLY want to go hunting. I am not a hunter. I do not have anything against hunting at all, as long as it isn’t just for sport. The rule around my house is “You kill it, you eat it”. Just last week the boys ate a spider they killed, hahahaha…. They weren’t happy about that!

I told them I would take them, but they would skin, prepare, butcher, and then eat whatever they killed.

“NO Problem!” They told me.

However, I KNOW this is going to be a problem. The first time they see blood and try skinning an animal, they are going to freak, and I will be doing it.

When I was young, my mother was a furrier. That’s where I learned how to sew, and make patterns, etc. I also learned how to skin animals, tan the pelts, etc. I hated it. I also ate just about every type of animal in North America… from rabbit to deer to beaver to coyote. Disgusting!

My mom took me hunting with my bow once when I was young. I actually got a rabbit, sort of. The arrow went into it’s side. It jumped three feet in the air and made a sound I had never heard before. I felt horrible as it lay there squealing and squirming. Mom made me go over to it and get my “prize”. When I grabbed the arrow, the rabbit slid off it and started running away.

“Thank God!” I thought…

Oh no…. Mom says:

“Are you going to leave that poor animal to suffer and die slowly???!!!! Follow it, put it out of it’s misery. You wanted to do this… is it still fun??? Go find it”

I wanted a rabbit when I was young. My mom told me I could, but it wouldn’t be a pet, I would raise it until it was time to “harvest it”.

I said sure, positive the day would never come, but it did. I was responsible for killing my own pet rabbit who I loved dearly. And skinning it and then preparing it for dinner for the family. That was one of the hardest things I have done in my life.

My Mom grew up on a ranch and was very familiar with the everyday tasks of getting food for the family. She didn’t like it, but that was how they survived, and what she knew how to do. Her rule was the same as mine…”Do not treat life of any kind lightly. If you kill it, you must use it to it’s full potential.”

I know guys who go hunting just for the thrill of “the kill” and have no intention of eating what they kill. Quite frankly, that disgusts me.

I’m rambling with these thoughts but, in the end, I am very hesitant to take my boys hunting. I will make them do everything I did. Perhaps they won’t mind it so much, but I think they will. I hope they will. I hope once they see the blood and guts they will have a new sense of what it means to kill anything. If they continue to be hunters after that, I don’t mind, really I don’t, as long as they eat what they kill and aren’t one of those people who thinks it is somehow funny or amusing to see an animal die.

So here is what I am thinking…

I make an effort to help around the house.  I clean counters, I clean dishes, etc, etc…

Why is it that we don’t do a good enough job for “them”.  This isn’t just a problem with Ms Hottie, but also with the ex, and every other woman I have known.  I clean, and they feel a need to clean up after I clean.  Why did I waste my time doing it if it was going to get redone.

Especially if they say something! OMG!!!   For real??!!  You’re going to complain that I did something???!!!  Well don’t worry about that happening again!

I think you know what I mean.

Ladies….ease up.  We are trying.  Our standards may not match yours, but don’t bitch because we did try to help.

Here is an option for the ladies:

“Thank you love! You did a great job! Thanks for helping! Next time, if you don’t mind, can you make sure…..”

As men, we know that women have expectations of us.  But sometimes, we have no idea what those expectations are.  And that, my friends, can lead to some “complications”.

Case in point, my girlfriend was mad at me for 5 days.  I had no idea what for, but she was being a real beeatch.  I tried to be patient, I tried to ask her what was wrong, and what was bothering her, but the responses were always something other than me.  The kids were acting up, or some small thing.  “OK” I said to myself, “she must just be stressed or something”.  We are moving and all.  BUT, after 5 days of no lovin’ AND being treated like a turd, I had enough.  She can treat me like a turd AFTER we get it on for heavens sake!

Finally I “blew up”.  I was like “WTF!?  I’m not going to stick around and let you treat me like this.  You’ve been doing this for five days straight.  You don’t want me around… see ya!  I don’t know what the problem is but when you decide you wanna let me know, you know where to find me”

Her response “You always want to just leave and not deal with the problems”

wah, wah, bitch, moan, etc.

Mine?  “I’ve been trying to figure out whats up your butt for 5 days now! I can’t fix the problem if I don’t know what the hell it is!”  More logical arguments about problem solving and communication, etc. (which women frickin hate! probably cuz they make logical sense but not “emotional” sense.)

Anyway, hours later, turns out the problem(s) is a “promise” I made to my son.  Her son promised to give my son one of his toys.  They both came and asked me if it would be ok.  Sure, why not?  He doesn’t want it.  You do, sounds good to me!

Woohoo, apparently that was the wrong thing to do.  I didn’t “talk to her” about it first to see how she would feel. OMGGWTHIWWW (Oh my good god what the hell is wrong with women). OK, so it was something she bought him, and she apparently thought it was more important than her son did, I get it. So I am sitting there thinking to myself while she rambles on and on, trying to come up with an easy solution.  I say, fine, he can just give it back.

OH NO!  That can’t happen because I can’t break a promise to my son. Personally, I think no big deal, he’ll understand, and it isn’t that important to him anyway.  I’ll just say I let him have it before I made sure it was ok.

OH NO!  That can’t happen because then she looks like the bad guy!

OK, well I’ll go buy one for my son, give her son his back, everybody’s happy right?

OH NO!  Because… wait for it… “You don’t understand my point of view!”

HA!  You knew it didn’t you!  You’ve all heard that one before.  At that point, you groan inwardly, sigh, and prepare for a long night.

“Yes, I do honey.”

“NOOO YOU DON”T!”

“Yes, I do honey…” Trying to keep calm

“blah, blah, no you don’t… sniffle”

“Yes, yes, I do…” OMG…gotta get out of here before she literally drives me insane.  Meanwhile, I am also thinking, we went five days without some sweet sweet lovin’ because of a stupid frickin toy???  I’ll buy your boy a damn car if it’ll get you naked right now, I’m desperate here!

Finally, one more “I just don’t think you understand my point of view”.

I give up. “you’re right, you know me better than I know myself.  I have no idea what your point of view is”.  The funny thing is, you would think that would work.  You just gave up right?  They know everything!  I am lowly caveman, unnerstand nutting.

Everyone knows where the story goes from here, so I’ll cut it short.  That was just the catalyst but that’s not all she was mad about.  She was also mad because, get this… I wanted to do something last weekend.  No SH, seriously, because I didn’t want to just sit around in the 120 degree heat in our house (air conditioner broke, but that’s another tale).

Apparently I always want to do “stuff”.  She can’t seem to figure out when I do yardwork, housework, etc.  (Never mind the fact the she sat on the couch all day and watched TV because it was too frickin HOT to DO anything).

Now here’s where those pesky expectations come in play.  Apparently, two weeks ago, we were both out looking at the garden (that I planted BTW).  The was a large weed that I didn’t pull while we were standing there.  She was pointing out the Cauliflower, so no I didn’t notice it, but it wasn’t near any of my important veggies, so…

She expected that I would pull it and I didn’t, and that turned into “another instance” of her finishing my “work”.  Because here is what happened…  she went and pulled the damn weed when I was at work.

And then I broke the first commandment…  I didn’t notice!!! EGADS!  You scoundrel! You… You… MAN!

I’m thinking, well, it is MY garden right?  If I want to let it grow thistles, that should be up to me.  But that isn’t really how it works.  She apparently expected me to do a lot last week, and yet, I had no idea she “expected” me to do any of them and quite frankly, I didn’t think any of them were that important or “really needed” to be done like she did.  Like painting the garage door.  Umm, ok, sure, but not super high on my list right now.

The problem is, we guys have a different set of ideas and standards about those things and when they don’t match our partners, we get in trouble.  Which tends to be a lot.  Remember the earlier post about me not cleaning the kitchen anymore because she would just re-clean it right behind me?

Apparently that’s still bugging her as well.  I’ll let you know later how that goes.

Anyway, it turned into an hour long bitch session for her.  I’m glad she got it off her chest…

I can only hope that in the end, she understood ME, when I let her know that I am more than happy to do what she would like me to do, IF SHE FRICKIN TELLS ME WHAT THE BLOODY HELL SHE IS EXPECTING. NOW GET NEKKID.

That last line didn’t work so well…  I didn’t really think it would, but you have to take a shot right?  I slept on the couch, sorta slept that is, in between being mad and wondering when I am going to stop being a moron and learn to keep my mouth shut.

I’m sure we’ll be “talking” again tonight.  GOD… I should work late.

Step 1:  Be right

Step 2: Refuse to acknowledge the other person except briefly until they realize they were wrong.

Step 3:  Cut off any conversation unless they are apologizing for being wrong.

Step 4:  If they start to admit they were wrong, acknowledge that you were already aware of that “fact” and it’s about time they came to their senses.

Does anyone around here have gout?  Or know someone who does?

Gout sucks.  I mean big time.

Gout usually hits people above the age of 40.  I started getting it in my twenties.

Let me just give you an inkling of how it feels.  Ever twisted an ankle?  OK, imagine that pain… hold it there… then take a needle and poke it into that joint, then take 29 more and do it at the same time.  Now add glass shards inside the joint…

At really bad times, I have been at the point of deciding to pee the bed or crawl to the bathroom and hoist myself on the toilet.

Even the weight of a sheet is excruciating.

Anyway, doctors haven’t helped at so I was going to write about some home remedies that have seemed to work for me.

1.  Ibuprofen…. seriously…. a lot of it to get the swelling down… I take 800mg every 4 hours with the other stuff

2. Cherry Juice and Extract

3. Bromelain & Quercetrin

4. B5

5. Bananas

6. Cranberry Juice

So I had an attack last week.  A bad one.  Couldn’ t walk, etc…  I wasn’t at the crying stage but I was close.

Here was my remedy, and it worked…

Pure cherry juice with one ounce of vodka followed by…

(Almost every site will recommend not drinking alcohol because of the purines, however, the way I see it, it is a diuretic and helps flush as long as you drink other fluids that help clean and hydrate.)

A cup of green tea plus…

All the crap I mentioned above.

The key for me at least has been… purge, antioxidants, and lots of water/green tea.

So I am seriously excited this week.

My little brother will be coming out to visit from Argentina.  I haven’t seen him for about 2-3 years and about 4 for my kids.  I’m excited, the kids are excited, Ms. Hottie is excited.  He is 14 now.  He is HUGE compared to the last time I saw him.  I’ve seen pictures since then and can tell it’s gonna be weird.  He’s much taller than my Dad now.

Only one small problem… he doesn’t speak mucho ingles.  It’s not a problem for me since I speak Spanish, but for everyone else, it’s a problem.  AND, it’s a problem for me…

Why you may ask?  Imagine this conversation between two of your family members:

Pato:  Can we go to the park and play football?

Me:  Hmm… not sure what the plans are… let me ask…

Me:  Hey Miss Hottie?  Pato wants to know if we can go to the park today to play football, what are the plans?

Ms Hottie:  I don’t know, didn’t he want to go downtown today?

Me:  That’s right, let me ask…

Me:  Didn’t you want to go downtown today?

Pato:  Oh Yeah!  Can we go to that one restaurant you guys took me to last time?

Me:  Not sure… let me ask…

Me:  Ok Ms Hottie, he does want to go downtown.  He also want to know if you can take him to that restaurant we took him to last time?

Ms. Hottie:  Which one?  We went to a couple.

Me:  Hmm…  I thought it was so and so but let me ask…

As you can see, translating everything from Spanish to English and back again can be a frustrating chore.   Usually I don’t mind, but when everyone is around and I spend the whole time answering “What did he say?” it gets old quick.

A comment on a TV show…

“What’d he say???”

A comment about dinner…

“What’d he say???”

He asks where the bathroom is…

“What’d he say???”

Arggghhhh!!!!  Here is the Rosetta Stone disk I gave you a year ago….go study!!!!

It’s partially my fault.  When my kids were born I had great aspirations of teaching them Spanish at the same time they were learning English.  That just didn’t work out so well because my ex didn’t speak spanish and was constantly asking….  you guessed it…  “What’d you say???”  I bought the Rosetta Stone Spanish disks so they could study on their own, but I really haven’t forced them to use it.

My sweet, sweet, grandma Nene spoke French.  Everytime I used to visit her in Argentina, she would speak a little in French to me.  Usually the simple…You speak French yet?  She was very proud that she spoke multiple languages and I don’t blame her.  It’s wonderful to be able to travel lots of places and be able to speak the native language.

If you want to learn a new language, I HIGHLY recommend the Rosetta Stone program.  I use them myself and they are great.  I learned Italian and am working on French right now.  However, I have learned that the key for using the program, if you want to be able to speak as well as understand, you should repeat the words you here when you here them and constantly correct your pronunciation.

This weekend was a very interesting one for weird things said to me by my girlfriend.

My girlfriend is smokin hot, but kinda bad when it comes to seduction (You know I love you baby!)

I was grilling some flank steak this weekend, trying a new recipe for “Tacos al Carbon”.  When I took the steak up to rest for a bit, I fed her a piece of the burnt fat.  She loves that stuff, God knows why, but she does.

“Mmmmm….yummy!” she says, then she saunters over to me after helping my daughter, sashaying the hips, looking ultra sexy, and with a evil little grin on her face, throw her arms around me and whispers in my ear…

“Mmm…You got something else fatty and burnt for me???”

Umm… well how do you respond to that?!

“Uh, no love, I hope not fatty or burnt… but I have something else you may like?”

It was funny when she realized what she said.  Then last night as we were laying in bed, she was playing with my “you know what”, and I was getting quite turned on.

Right about that point, she says… “You ever think about getting this cut off?”

Ouch!!! Droop…

“Uh, NO!”

She was talking about the skin, but geez!  Wrong time to bring up cutting off anything down there!

This turned into a long conversation about the pros and cons of uncircumcised vs circumcised. Medical conversation totally turns me on….NOT.